So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
