Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
