Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
