You're my little dorito
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize