5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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