No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
