Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
