Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
