I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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