My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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