Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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