hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
