We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
