i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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