You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
