Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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