Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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