He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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