I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
