Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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