You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
