remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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