you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize