I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
