Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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