I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
