my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
