I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
