Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
