so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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