1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think my fart just growled at me.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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