My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
