I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
