Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
