Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
