allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
