By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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