so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
