When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
