My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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