I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
