woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
