Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
