i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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