they need to just BURY HIM!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
