I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
