He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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