Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
