it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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