You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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