woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize