I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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