96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
