I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
