he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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