I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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