Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
