I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
