so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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