Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize