why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
