You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
