When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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