Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
