Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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