Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize