Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
