hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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