so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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