Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize
