Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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