I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
