If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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