Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
