I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
