at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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