Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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