man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
