Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
