My sheets look like a crime scene.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
