could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
