the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize