I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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