so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
