I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
