Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
