My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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