Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
