he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
