Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
