Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
