I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
