Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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