What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
