Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
