I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
