he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize