Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
