Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
