I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
