Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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