Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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