I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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