a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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