No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize