you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
