Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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