I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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