the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize