Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
