Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
