glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
