my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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