My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize