So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
