Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
