im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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