At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
PANTIES FOUND
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
