I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
