the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
